Dirty Old Women: erotica by women of experience

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In the film adaptation of Howl's Moving Castle, the Witch of the Waste is this. Young men are so cute, indeed. Compare with Mrs. Robinson who is younger, prettier and still sexually active and doesn't have much problem seducing a younger guy. Lunch Lady Belinda from The Most Popular Girls in School; think Wendy Oldbag from the above example, but a bit younger, way cruder, and bisexual. This was one of the "Weird Newscasters". The (female) improviser said, "You make me feel like a nubile teen," to which Colin replied, "You're... you're kidding yourself." Teenage boys are not, as a rule, the world’s most expert lovers. They are not known for their emotional sophistication or sensitivity. And they do not excel at the tests of masculine status women are supposed to be fixated upon. “If Debra had had an affair with a man who was richer than me, or more successful, that I could have understood,” as Debra Lafave’s estranged husband, Owen, put it. “But this was a boy. What could he offer her that I couldn’t?

This character is almost always Played for Laughs, often as an Abhorrent Admirer of some sort. When they show up in a Darker and Edgier show, which is rare, they're often used to show the unfortunate fate of women who let their sex drives lead their lives or, inversely, the result of too much prudishness. In one of the 'Party Quirks' games, Wayne Brady's role was 'determined little old lady who likes tight butts'. It’s jarring, however, to think of a teenage boy—say, a 16-year-old—who’s been seduced by a female teacher as a victim. It clashes with our assumptions. A teenage boy who gets to live his fantasy? What can be the harm?Nanny Ogg is a perfect example of this and arguably has some inspiration from the Wife of Bath. Her favorite conversational topic is the "single entendre." From left: Lisa Lynette Clark, Age: 37, Age of Boy: 15; Mary Kay Letourneau, Age: 34, Age of Boy: 12. Photo: From left: Hall County Sheriff/Splash News/NewCom; Seattle PI/SIPA/NewsCom Bananas: An old woman (who had been threatened by two thugs) reads Mellish's discarded copy of porno mag Orgasm with a huge smile.

There is, of course, the Professor's elderly grandmother in the Eddie Murphy remake of The Nutty Professor, who goes into anecdotes about her uhhh... past, over dinner. And then there's that one scene in the sequel... In JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Stardust Crusaders, Joseph accidentally peeps into a bathroom stall on a woman like this, who instantly becomes obsessed with him and tries to seduce him. Hilarity Ensues. Jason says he would not have given a statement to the Long Island police incriminating DeMartini-Scully if he hadn’t been under pressure. “They said if I didn’t they were gonna press charges on me because I was with Diane’s daughter,” who is only 14, and now Jason is 17, thus making him guilty of “sexual misconduct” himself. As of his last birthday, Jason’s relationships switched status in the eyes of the law: Sex with the then-44-year-old school psychologist who had been after him since he was 16 became okay; sex with her teenage daughter became a crime. Mystique is a definitely not-Played for Laughs case as she frequently shows depraved sexual interest in characters far, far younger than herself such as X-23. In Worst X-Man Ever she forcefully kisses the protagonist Bailey who’s underage, making it a case of sexual assault upon a minor.

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One night, when DeMartini-Scully’s daughter, with whom Jason was still involved, was at a friend’s house, and after DeMartini-Scully’s son had gone to sleep, she asked Jason if he wanted to watch television with her in her bed. “Then she kissed me.” The old woman in Voltaire's Candide fits this pretty well, somewhat more so in the musical than the novel. Allo 'Allo! has its fair share of perverts and the female characters are no exception. Madame Fanny la Fan is often known to make randy comments and on one occasion, when her daughter pulls up her bedsheets to prevent her from watching the British Airmen undressing, she pushes her out of the way with her cane to get a clearer view.

As it happens, that is a very dangerous question. In 1998, Bruce Rind, Philip Tromovitch, and Robert Bauserman (professors at Temple University, the University of Pennsylvania, and the University of Michigan, respectively) published a study that has resounded through the psychological Establishment ever since. The article, published in the American Psychological Association’s Psychological Bulletin, was what’s known as a meta-analysis, an overview of the existing science, in this case on the long-term effects of childhood sexual abuse. The authors concluded that “negative effects were neither pervasive nor typically intense” and that men who’d been abused “reacted much less negatively than women.” When Diane Demartini-Scully first started going for walks with her daughter’s 15-year-old boyfriend on the North Fork of Long Island, it made him feel special. “She would just talk to me about life situations and shit,” he says now, a year and a half later. “It was pretty cool.” This is something DeMartini-Scully, a 45-year-old blonde who vaguely resembles Erica Jong, would have been good at. She was, until recently, a school psychologist at East Hampton Middle School. She knew how to draw a kid out. In "Grannies Gone Wild", Granny Smith and her relatives (Aunt Applesauce and cousins Apple Rose and Goldie Delicious) let their manes down on a trip to Las Pegasus (in Granny's case, literally during one scene); Apple Sauce flirts with a young bellhop (who looks rather awkward about the whole thing), and the ladies flirt with a pair of handsome middle-aged stallions who happen to have a magic act at the hotel they're staying at. About a year after the study’s publication, Congress passed a formal resolution condemning Rind in an uncontested vote. The president of the APA initially defended the paper and pointed out that it had been peer-reviewed and determined to be scientifically sound, but as the resolution was being debated, he sent a clarification to DeLay saying that child sexual abuse was always harmful and—though the study has never been scientifically discredited—the organization has been trying to distance itself from Rind ever since.It seems that three old ladies were standing at a bus stop when along came a flasher and opened his raincoat. Well, the first old lady had a stroke. The second old lady had a stroke. The third old lady tried to have a stroke but her arms were too short. The comedy sketch show Harry Enfield and Chums featured a pair of characters officially named "The Lovely Wobbly Randy Old Ladies". Catchphrase: "Young man! At our age!", said in response to anything that can even vaguely be considered a Double Entendre. They are even shown ravishing the men on a few occasions - and working for a sex line. All played for laughs, naturally.

Shizuku in New Game! is a slightly younger than usual example; but she is still the oldest lady of the principle cast who openly lusts after her younger co-workers, often right in front of them. We (still) like to keep our understanding of masculinity connected to our understanding of maturity. We’d never had a female anchorwoman deliver our news until recently, we don’t often let female columnists explain the news, and we’ve never had a female president to make the news. For many Americans, being a real grown-up requires a penis. And if you’ve got that, even if you’re only 15, you must have the maturity and the manliness to know what you want to do with it—even if that involves intercourse with a 42-year-old. Who among us would say the same thing about a 15-year-old girl? Rose from Nebraska to a small degree. She has no trouble talking about her torrid past, calling her husband's dead sister a whore, or flashing an old boyfriends tombstone. That night, Jason and DeMartini-Scully “basically did everything.” He remembers the experience as “okay … I wouldn’t say it was upsetting. I wouldn’t say I didn’t want to, but … I figured she was letting me stay at her house, I’d just do what she wanted.” In the Smallville episode "Crusade", both Lois Lane and an old woman enjoy the view of a naked Clark Kent.We meet Ruth who met her husband Harry after 30 years of dating hell; Harriet, a writer and bohemian who continues to see sex as the core of her life; and Freddie, who enjoyed the best sex of her life with her third husband Syd. Gilbert and Sullivan, inspired by the dame figure of pantomime which is played by a man, frequently featured repulsive older women chasing after young male characters.